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00:00:04,538 --> 00:00:07,373
( cash register rings )
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♪ GROUND FLOOR... PERFUMERY,
STATIONERY, AND LEATHER GOODS ♪
3
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♪ WIGS AND HABERDASHERY
KITCHENWARE AND FOOD... ♪
4
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♪ GOING UP... ♪
5
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♪ FIRST FLOOR... TELEPHONES,
GENTS' READYMADE SUITS ♪
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SHIRTS, SOCKS, TIES, HATS,
UNDERWEAR AND SHOES ♪
7
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♪ GOING UP... ♪
8
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DON'T WORRY ABOUT THE
LENGTH OF THE FINGERS, SIR.
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YOU'LL FIND THEY'LL
RIDE UP WITH WEAR.
10
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AND I'M SURE YOU'LL FIND
THEY'LL GIVE EVERY SATISFACTION.
11
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DON'T YOU AGREE, MR. HUMPHRIES?
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YES, MR. GRAINGER. IT'S
VERY DIFFICULT TO DISTINGUISH
13
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THAT PLASTIC
IMITATION LEATHERETTE
14
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FROM THE REAL
IMITATION LEATHERETTE.
15
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AND YOU'LL FIND THAT THE LINING
16
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WILL KEEP THE HANDS
WONDERFULLY WARM.
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- WON'T IT,
MR. HUMPHRIES?
- WARM AS TOAST.
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THAT'S BECAUSE IT'S
MADE OF REAL IMITATION,
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SIMULATED NYLON
FUR FABRIC, YOU SEE?
20
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THANK YOU, MR. LUCAS.
21
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I WORE A PAIR OF THOSE
MYSELF LAST SEASON,
22
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AND I HAD QUITE A LOT OF
SATISFACTION, DIDN'T I, MR. GRAINGER?
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I BELIEVE YOU DID,
MR. HUMPHRIES.
24
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DURING THE
FREEZE-UP LAST WINTER,
25
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WHEN I COULDN'T FILL
MY HOT WATER BOTTLE,
26
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I WORE A PAIR OF
THOSE ON MY FEET,
27
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AND I GOT QUITE A LOT OF
SATISFACTION TOO, DIDN'T I?
28
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WHAT YOU SAY HAS A DISTINCT
RING OF TRUTH ABOUT IT,
29
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DESPITE THE FACT THAT YOU'VE
ONLY BEEN WITH US TWO MONTHS.
30
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THEY'RE FOR THE WIFE'S BROTHER.
I DON'T LIKE HIM VERY MUCH.
31
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IN THAT CASE, SIR, YOU COULDN'T
HAVE MADE A BETTER CHOICE.
32
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MRS. SLOCOMBE, THAT
MAN'S BEEN HANGING AROUND
33
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OUR UNDERWEAR COUNTER
FOR THE PAST 10 MINUTES.
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OH, DEAR. DO YOU THINK
HE'S ONE OF THOSE?
35
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- ONE OF WHAT?
- A BON VOYEUR.
36
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THEY'RE THE PEOPLE WHO
LOOK, BUT DON'T TOUCH.
37
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I'VE NEVER BEEN OUT
WITH ONE OF THOSE.
38
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- ARE YOU BEING
SERVED, SIR?
- NO.
39
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DO YOU HAVE A MALE
ASSISTANT ON THIS COUNTER?
40
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NO, SIR. THIS IS
LADIES' UNDERWEAR.
41
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- I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT
HAVE A MAN TO HELP.
- NO, SIR.
42
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THERE ISN'T MUCH DEMAND FOR THAT
SORT OF THING AT GRACE BROTHERS.
43
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AH. WELL... I WANT
TO PURCHASE A BRA.
44
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WHAT SIZE DO YOU TAKE?
45
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THAT'LL DO, MISS BRAHMS.
46
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NO, NO, IT'S FOR MY
FIANCEE. SHE'S A YOUNG GIRL.
47
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CONGRATULATIONS.
48
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HAVE YOU ANY IDEA WHAT
SIZE THE YOUNG LADY TAKES?
49
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WELL...
50
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MISS BRAHMS, GO AND
POLISH SOMETHING.
51
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I MANAGED TO KNOCK THIS
OFF WHEN SHE WASN'T LOOKING.
52
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OH, HOW CLEVER OF YOU.
53
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SHE'S A HEALTHY GIRL, ISN'T SHE?
54
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MISS BRAHMS, GET OUT THE 44s.
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THE KILIMANJARO RANGE.
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YES, MRS. SLOCOMBE.
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MR. LUCAS?
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DID YOU BECKON ME,
CAPTAIN PEACOCK?
59
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BY STANDING UP
THERE NEAR THE LIFT,
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YOU'RE OUT OF YOUR TERRITORY.
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YOUR PLACE IS AT THE
OTHER END OF THE COUNTER
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TO ALLOW MR. GRAINGER
AND MR. HUMPHRIES
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FIRST CHOICE OF THE CUSTOMERS.
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THAT'S ALL WELL, BUT I HAVEN'T
HAD A CUSTOMER ALL DAY.
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MR. GRAINGER?
66
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SOMETHING WRONG,
CAPTAIN PEACOCK?
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MR. LUCAS WAS BEMOANING THE FACT
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THAT HE HADN'T HAD A CHANCE
OF SERVING A CUSTOMER ALL DAY.
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I WASN'T COMPLAINING,
MR. GRAINGER.
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MIND YOU, IF I'M NOT ALLOWED
TO EARN ANY COMMISSION,
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I CAN PROBABLY LIVE ANOTHER TWO OR
THREE DAYS BEFORE I STARVE TO DEATH.
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WELL, PERHAPS, WE HAVE BEEN
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A LITTLE HARD ON HIM, YOU KNOW.
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I'M SURE THAT MY COLLEAGUE AND I
75
00:03:45,025 --> 00:03:47,158
COULD HOLD BACK A LITTLE.
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MR. HUMPHRIES, ARE YOU FREE?
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YES, I'M FREE, MR. GRAINGER.
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THE NEXT CUSTOMER
WILL BE MR. LUCAS'.
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UNDERSTOOD, MR. GRAINGER.
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- THANK YOU, MR. GRAINGER.
- THANK YOU, MR. HUMPHRIES.
81
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THANK YOU AGAIN,
CAPTAIN PEACOCK.
82
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ISN'T IT TIME FOR YOUR
TEA BREAK, MR. LUCAS?
83
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I'VE GIVEN IT UP.
84
00:04:09,783 --> 00:04:11,950
IN THAT CASE, YOUR
CUSTOMER IS APPROACHING.
85
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CARRY ON, MR. LUCAS.
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JUST MY LUCK.
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GOOD AFTERNOON,
SIR. CAN I HELP YOU?
88
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( Scottish brogue )
AYE, WELL, I HOPE SO.
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DO YOU HAVE ANY GOOD, STOUT,
90
00:04:28,101 --> 00:04:30,802
LONG-LASTING,
HARD-WEARING TWEED?
91
00:04:32,038 --> 00:04:33,805
YES, WELL, LET ME THINK.
92
00:04:33,874 --> 00:04:38,109
DO WE HAVE ANY GOOD,
STOUT, LONG-LASTING,
93
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HARD-WEARING TWEED?
94
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SOMETHING IN THE
JACKET LINE, PERHAPS, SIR?
95
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NO, SOMETHING IN THE TREWS LINE.
96
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- TROOS?
- TREWS, MAN.
97
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- BREEKS.
- HARRIS TWEED BRIEFS?
98
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BREEKS! THAT'S
TROUSERS, MR. LUCAS.
99
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YES, OF COURSE.
YES, YES, TROUSERS!
100
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YES, TROUSERS.
101
00:04:57,731 --> 00:05:00,666
- WHAT WAIST
ARE YOU, SIR?
- 36.
102
00:05:00,734 --> 00:05:03,134
BUT 40 WOULD BE
MORE COMFORTABLE.
103
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36, BUT 40... AND
YOUR INSIDE LEG?
104
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MEASURE IT.
105
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- I BEG YOUR PARDON?
- MEASURE IT.
106
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I'VE ALWAYS WORN THE KILT.
NEVER WORN BREEKS IN MY LIFE.
107
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JUST A MINUTE.
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CAN I BORROW YOUR TAPE MEASURE?
109
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I'VE GOT TO TAKE THAT
GENTLEMAN'S INSIDE LEG.
110
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I'D PREFER THAT YOU
BORROWED MR. HUMPHRIES'.
111
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MR. HUMPHRIES, DO ME A FAVOR.
TAKE THAT MAN'S INSIDE LEG.
112
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DON'T ASK ME. I'VE
GIVEN IT UP FOR LENT.
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ANYWAY, HE'S YOUR CUSTOMER.
114
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WELL, ALL RIGHT, THEN.
LEND ME YOUR TAPE MEASURE.
115
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HERE, BUT DON'T
LOSE IT ANYWHERE.
116
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HANG ON A MINUTE.
117
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( breathes )
118
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- WHAT'S GOING ON?
- I'M WARMING THE END
OF IT.
119
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WHICH SIDE DO YOU
WEAR YOUR SPORRAN?
120
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ON THE LEFT OR ON THE RIGHT?
121
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GET ON WITH IT, MAN!
122
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WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE
GOING WITH THAT THING?
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I'M JUST MEASURING
YOUR INSIDE LEG.
124
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AWAY, YOU IGNORANT SASSENACH!
125
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IN SCOTLAND, WE ALWAYS MEASURE
THE INSIDE LEG FROM THE OUTSIDE!
126
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- RIGHT, SIR.
- JUST ABOUT THERE.
127
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I MAKE THAT 32,
INCLUDING THE SPORRAN.
128
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DO YOU THINK IT SUITS ME?
129
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OH, YES, IT DOES, MADAM,
130
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THOSE ARTIFICIAL CHERRIES
ARE VERY YOUTH-MAKING.
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- DON'T YOU THINK SO?
- OH, YES.
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- TAKES YEARS OFF HER.
- THANK YOU, MISS BRAHMS.
133
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AND THAT GREEN GOES SO
WELL WITH MADAM'S EYES.
134
00:07:03,490 --> 00:07:06,725
- I'VE GOT BROWN EYES.
- THAT'S WHAT I MEAN.
135
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THE SORT OF BROWN THAT
GOES SO WELL WITH GREEN.
136
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GIVES YOU A SORT
OF FILM STAR LOOK.
137
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- MARLENE DIETRICH.
- BUT SHE'S IN HER 70s.
138
00:07:16,336 --> 00:07:19,538
WELL, SHE WASN'T
WHEN SHE WAS ABOUT 40.
139
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DO YOU THINK I SHOULD
WEAR THE BRIM UP OR DOWN?
140
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DOWN.
141
00:07:28,882 --> 00:07:30,816
HAVE YOU GOT ONE
CUT A BIT LOWER?
142
00:07:30,884 --> 00:07:34,319
( gasps )
143
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WOULD YOU MIND REMAINING
IN THE FITTING ROOM, MADAM?
144
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WE SHARE OUR ACCOMMODATION
WITH GENTS' READYMADES,
145
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AND THEY'VE GOT EYES LIKE HAWKS.
146
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I CAN'T WAIT IN THERE HOURS
FOR YOU TO COME AND SERVE ME.
147
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- ANY TROUBLE?
- I THOUGHT YOU'D BE OVER.
148
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I'M JUST ASKING YOUR SALESGIRL
149
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IF SHE'S GOT ONE
CUT A BIT LOWER.
150
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HOW MUCH LOWER
DID YOU HAVE IN MIND?
151
00:07:57,778 --> 00:08:00,745
I'LL DEAL WITH IT,
CAPTAIN PEACOCK.
152
00:08:00,814 --> 00:08:04,483
MISS BRAHMS, GET
OUT A 38C PLATFORM
153
00:08:04,551 --> 00:08:08,687
- WITH HEAVY-DUTY STRAPS.
- YES, MRS. SLOCOMBE.
154
00:08:08,755 --> 00:08:10,755
WILL YOU TAKE THE HAT, MADAM?
155
00:08:10,824 --> 00:08:12,524
NO.
156
00:08:12,593 --> 00:08:16,628
NO, I THINK I'LL TRY ON A
PAIR OF SHOES INSTEAD.
157
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I SEE.
158
00:08:19,032 --> 00:08:21,800
- CAPTAIN PEACOCK?
- YES, MRS. SLOCOMBE?
159
00:08:21,869 --> 00:08:24,736
WOULD YOU DIRECT MADAM
TO THE SHOE DEPARTMENT?
160
00:08:24,805 --> 00:08:27,071
CERTAINLY. WILL
YOU COME THIS WAY?
161
00:08:27,140 --> 00:08:29,919
I'M SORRY WE COULDN'T FIND
ANYTHING TO GO WITH YOUR FACE,
162
00:08:29,943 --> 00:08:32,544
BUT NO DOUBT
YOU'LL TRY US AGAIN.
163
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AWKWARD COW.
164
00:08:36,950 --> 00:08:39,784
MRS. SLOCOMBE, THEY'VE COME OUT.
165
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I BEG YOUR PARDON, MR. MASH.
WHAT HAVE COME OUT?
166
00:08:46,894 --> 00:08:49,828
THE TRANSPORT... TRAINS,
BUSES, THE LOT. LOOK...
167
00:08:49,897 --> 00:08:51,897
"THEY'RE OUT. TRAFFIC CHAOS."
168
00:08:51,965 --> 00:08:53,899
- UP THE WORKERS!
- MR. RUMBOLD SAYS
169
00:08:53,967 --> 00:08:55,778
THERE'LL BE A
MEETING IN HIS OFFICE
170
00:08:55,802 --> 00:08:58,403
AT 5:30 TODAY RE: THE
TRANSPORT STRIKE.
171
00:08:58,471 --> 00:09:01,873
JUST US HEADS OF DEPARTMENTS,
OR THE STAFF AS WELL?
172
00:09:01,942 --> 00:09:03,408
EVERYBODY.
173
00:09:03,476 --> 00:09:05,610
- DOES THAT INCLUDE ME?
- NO.
174
00:09:05,679 --> 00:09:08,379
ISN'T IT MARVELOUS?
I'M NOT EVEN EVERYBODY.
175
00:09:08,448 --> 00:09:09,526
I'M NOBODY!
176
00:09:09,550 --> 00:09:12,316
TRUE.
177
00:09:13,754 --> 00:09:15,632
WELL, YOU'VE ALL SEEN THE NEWS.
178
00:09:15,656 --> 00:09:18,723
I'M AFRAID THE TRANSPORT
SITUATION IS VERY GRAVE,
179
00:09:18,792 --> 00:09:20,770
BUT I'M PROUD TO SAY
THAT GRACE BROTHERS
180
00:09:20,794 --> 00:09:22,827
IS GOING TO RISE
TO THE OCCASION.
181
00:09:22,896 --> 00:09:24,473
ARE WE GOING TO MAN THE BUSES?
182
00:09:24,497 --> 00:09:26,475
MRS. SLOCOMBE'LL MAKE
A MARVELOUS CLIPPIE.
183
00:09:26,499 --> 00:09:28,310
SHE'S GOT PLENTY OF ROOM ON TOP.
184
00:09:28,334 --> 00:09:30,669
DON'T ENCOURAGE
HIM, MISS BRAHMS.
185
00:09:30,737 --> 00:09:33,872
NOW, WHICH OF US HAS CARS?
186
00:09:33,941 --> 00:09:36,318
OH, DRAT IT. I LET THE
CHAUFFEUR HAVE MINE.
187
00:09:36,342 --> 00:09:39,778
I HAD AN OLD BANGER
BEFORE THE WAR.
188
00:09:39,846 --> 00:09:41,947
ONLY MRS. GRAINGER
MADE HIM GIVE HER UP.
189
00:09:42,015 --> 00:09:43,949
MR. LUCAS...!
190
00:09:44,017 --> 00:09:45,828
MINE'S OFF THE
ROAD, BEING PREPARED
191
00:09:45,852 --> 00:09:47,986
FOR MY CONTINENTAL
TOURING HOLIDAY.
192
00:09:48,055 --> 00:09:49,621
GOING TO THE ISLE
OF WIGHT AGAIN?
193
00:09:51,191 --> 00:09:53,235
NOW, IS ANY OF US
WITHIN WALKING DISTANCE?
194
00:09:53,259 --> 00:09:57,495
WELL, I COULD BE HOME BY
THE MORNING IF I SET OFF NOW.
195
00:09:57,564 --> 00:10:01,265
IT'S AS I THOUGHT. WE ARE
IN A SENSE STRANDED HERE,
196
00:10:01,334 --> 00:10:03,312
BUT, FORTUNATELY,
MR. GRACE HAS KINDLY
197
00:10:03,336 --> 00:10:05,347
GIVEN HIS PERMISSION
FOR THE EMPLOYEES
198
00:10:05,371 --> 00:10:07,216
TO SPEND THE NIGHT
INSIDE THE STORE.
199
00:10:07,240 --> 00:10:09,351
- WHERE ARE WE
GOING TO SLEEP?
- ON THE FLOOR.
200
00:10:09,375 --> 00:10:13,678
- I'M NOT SLEEPING ON THE FLOOR!
- ON THE DEPARTMENT FLOOR
201
00:10:13,747 --> 00:10:17,048
ON WHATEVER BEDDING OR OTHER
DEVICES THAT WE CAN IMPROVISE.
202
00:10:17,117 --> 00:10:19,495
CAN MISS BRAHMS AND I BAG THE
WATERBED ON THE FOURTH FLOOR?
203
00:10:19,519 --> 00:10:22,386
ONLY IF YOU SLEEP INSIDE IT.
204
00:10:22,455 --> 00:10:24,923
NO, WE'RE ALL STAYING
ON OUR OWN FLOORS.
205
00:10:24,992 --> 00:10:27,492
- IT'S BEEN AGREED.
- BUT WHAT ABOUT PRIVACY?
206
00:10:27,560 --> 00:10:31,295
WE CAN'T ALL JUST KIP DOWN
LIKE SODOM AND GOMORRAH!
207
00:10:31,364 --> 00:10:34,365
OR SWAN AND EDGAR.
208
00:10:36,236 --> 00:10:39,337
I THINK MRS. SLOCOMBE HAS
RAISED A VERY VALID POINT.
209
00:10:39,405 --> 00:10:42,607
I THINK THERE SHOULD BE SOME
SEPARATION BETWEEN THE SEXES.
210
00:10:42,676 --> 00:10:46,544
AND ALSO WITHIN THE SEXES.
211
00:10:48,281 --> 00:10:50,715
PERHAPS THE LADIES COULD
SLEEP IN THE FITTING ROOM.
212
00:10:50,784 --> 00:10:54,218
MISS BRAHMS AND I ARE NOT SLEEPING
IN THAT POKY HOLE WITH NO AIR.
213
00:10:54,287 --> 00:10:55,865
YOU KIP DOWN WITH
THE REST OF US,
214
00:10:55,889 --> 00:10:57,700
I'LL GET YOU A COUPLE
OF CHASTITY BELTS
215
00:10:57,724 --> 00:10:59,135
OUT OF THE NOVELTY DEPARTMENT.
216
00:10:59,159 --> 00:11:01,399
JUST BECAUSE IT'S AFTER 5:00,
217
00:11:01,427 --> 00:11:05,163
DOESN'T GIVE YOU CARTE
BLANCHE TO BE COARSE, MR. LUCAS.
218
00:11:05,231 --> 00:11:08,232
NOW, WHAT WE HAVE
TO DO IS TO IMPROVISE.
219
00:11:08,301 --> 00:11:11,302
NOW, LET'S ALL THINK
VERY CAREFULLY.
220
00:11:15,776 --> 00:11:18,943
- CAMPING.
- I BEG YOUR PARDON,
MR. RUMBOLD?
221
00:11:19,012 --> 00:11:22,513
CAMPING! WERE YOU
NEVER IN THE SCOUTS?
222
00:11:22,582 --> 00:11:24,783
NOT OFFICIALLY, NO.
223
00:11:26,419 --> 00:11:29,353
TENTS! WE'LL HAVE TENTS!
224
00:11:29,422 --> 00:11:31,267
IF WE'RE GOING
TO SLEEP IN TENTS,
225
00:11:31,291 --> 00:11:33,424
I WANT ONE WITH A STOUT BOLT.
226
00:11:33,493 --> 00:11:36,360
I FEEL SURE I CAN SPEAK
FOR ALL THE MEN HERE
227
00:11:36,429 --> 00:11:39,564
WHEN I TELL YOU THAT WE WILL
NOT, AS YOU SEEM TO SUPPOSE,
228
00:11:39,632 --> 00:11:42,233
BEHAVE LIKE MAD DOGS AS
SOON AS THE LIGHTS ARE OUT.
229
00:11:42,302 --> 00:11:45,469
( softly ) HEAR, HEAR.
230
00:11:45,538 --> 00:11:47,405
WE'RE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER,
231
00:11:47,473 --> 00:11:49,941
AND IT IS UP TO US TO
MAKE THE BEST OF IT.
232
00:11:50,010 --> 00:11:52,276
LET'S SEE WHAT WE CAN FIX UP.
233
00:11:52,345 --> 00:11:54,312
CAMPING EQUIPMENT, PLEASE.
234
00:12:01,822 --> 00:12:04,355
IT WON'T GO, YOU
SEE. I CAN'T GET IT IN.
235
00:12:04,424 --> 00:12:06,557
- DO IT FROM INSIDE.
- YES.
236
00:12:06,626 --> 00:12:07,859
GET INSIDE.
237
00:12:07,928 --> 00:12:09,761
GET THE SPIGOT INTO THE SOCKET.
238
00:12:09,830 --> 00:12:11,830
I'M SORRY!
239
00:12:13,734 --> 00:12:15,666
I'M SORRY!
240
00:12:17,104 --> 00:12:20,171
I CAN SEE THAT YOU
WERE NEVER IN THE ARMY.
241
00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:22,418
I DON'T SEE WHY I COULDN'T
HAVE SPENT THE NIGHT
242
00:12:22,442 --> 00:12:24,353
IN THE TOY DEPARTMENT
IN PETER PAN'S HOUSE
243
00:12:24,377 --> 00:12:26,022
WITH WENDY AND THE CROCODILE.
244
00:12:26,046 --> 00:12:28,947
ARE YOU REFERRING TO WENDY
FROM THE GRAMOPHONE DEPARTMENT?
245
00:12:29,015 --> 00:12:31,382
DO YOU FANCY HER AS WELL?
246
00:12:31,451 --> 00:12:33,331
CAPTAIN PEACOCK, ARE YOU FREE?
247
00:12:33,386 --> 00:12:36,454
- YES, MRS. SLOCOMBE.
- COULD I HAVE YOUR
ASSISTANCE FOR A MOMENT?
248
00:12:36,522 --> 00:12:37,655
CERTAINLY.
249
00:12:37,724 --> 00:12:41,893
THERE'S NO CURTAIN AT MY WINDOW.
250
00:12:41,962 --> 00:12:43,339
I SHOULDN'T WORRY,
MRS. SLOCOMBE.
251
00:12:43,363 --> 00:12:45,842
I MEAN, YOU'LL BE
SLEEPING ON THE FLOOR,
252
00:12:45,866 --> 00:12:48,510
AND ONLY A VERY TALL
PERSON COULD SEE ANYTHING,
253
00:12:48,534 --> 00:12:51,770
AND EVEN THEN HE'D
HAVE TO STAND ON TIPTOE.
254
00:12:51,838 --> 00:12:53,972
THAT'S WHAT I WAS THINKING.
255
00:12:54,040 --> 00:12:56,321
BUT APART FROM THAT,
ONE USUALLY FINDS
256
00:12:56,376 --> 00:12:58,587
THAT CONDENSATION
STEAMS UP THE WINDOWS.
257
00:12:58,611 --> 00:13:00,611
I CAN ASSURE YOU,
CAPTAIN PEACOCK,
258
00:13:00,680 --> 00:13:03,481
THAT SLEEPING ON AN AIR
BED UNDER AN ARMY BLANKET,
259
00:13:03,549 --> 00:13:05,817
I'M NOT LIKELY TO
GET UP MUCH STEAM.
260
00:13:05,886 --> 00:13:08,219
OH, YES, YES, AND
THERE'S ANOTHER THING.
261
00:13:08,288 --> 00:13:12,390
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO
DO THE ZIP UP FROM INSIDE?
262
00:13:12,458 --> 00:13:14,036
WELL, PERHAPS THE BEST THING,
263
00:13:14,060 --> 00:13:17,628
WOULD BE TO GET SOMEONE ELSE
TO ZIP YOU UP AFTER YOU'RE IN.
264
00:13:17,697 --> 00:13:19,831
YES, BUT WHAT IF, FOR
SOME REASON OR OTHER,
265
00:13:19,900 --> 00:13:23,234
I WANTED TO LEAVE IN
A HURRY IN THE NIGHT?
266
00:13:23,303 --> 00:13:25,837
IF YOU THINK THAT SORT OF
EMERGENCY MIGHT OCCUR,
267
00:13:25,906 --> 00:13:27,817
IT MIGHT BE WISER TO
LEAVE YOUR ZIP OPEN.
268
00:13:27,841 --> 00:13:30,408
OH, IT ALL SEEMS VERY PRIMITIVE.
269
00:13:31,744 --> 00:13:33,744
YES.
270
00:13:40,253 --> 00:13:41,752
( banging )
271
00:13:41,822 --> 00:13:43,632
PAJAMAS! LOVELY RIPE PAJAMAS!
272
00:13:43,656 --> 00:13:45,634
GET YOUR PAJAMAS
OFF ME! HERE YOU ARE.
273
00:13:45,658 --> 00:13:48,658
FRESH PAJAMAS. FRESH FROM
THE SALES DISCOUNT DEPARTMENT.
274
00:13:48,695 --> 00:13:50,195
THERE YOU ARE, MISSUS.
275
00:13:50,263 --> 00:13:52,530
ROOM FOR YOU AND A FRIEND.
276
00:13:52,598 --> 00:13:55,366
WHAT AWFUL COMMON THINGS.
277
00:13:55,435 --> 00:13:57,902
OH, WELL, I SUPPOSE THEY'RE
BETTER THAN NOTHING.
278
00:13:57,971 --> 00:14:00,171
I THINK I'D PREFER
YOU IN NOTHING.
279
00:14:01,441 --> 00:14:04,042
MISS BRAHMS, OUR
SLEEPWEAR HAS ARRIVED.
280
00:14:04,110 --> 00:14:05,855
- WHAT SIZE ARE YOU?
- NOT FOR ME, THANKS.
281
00:14:05,879 --> 00:14:07,812
I NEVER WEAR ANYTHING IN BED.
282
00:14:07,881 --> 00:14:10,614
I DON'T LIKE ROUGH
THINGS NEXT TO MY SKIN.
283
00:14:10,683 --> 00:14:13,284
YOU'RE LUCKY YOU AIN'T
GOT ME IN THERE WITH YOU.
284
00:14:14,454 --> 00:14:16,387
YOU WILL WEAR PAJAMAS TONIGHT.
285
00:14:16,456 --> 00:14:19,423
SUPPOSE THERE WAS A FIRE
AND YOU HAD NO CLOTHES ON?
286
00:14:19,492 --> 00:14:21,625
I'D BE FIRST TO BE RESCUED.
287
00:14:22,996 --> 00:14:25,730
- GET THEM ON.
- I CAN'T WEAR THESE!
288
00:14:25,798 --> 00:14:29,533
THEY'RE MEN'S! THERE'S
A FLAP AT THE FRONT.
289
00:14:29,602 --> 00:14:32,971
FIND A SAFETY PIN AND WEAR
THEM THE WRONG WAY ROUND.
290
00:14:36,977 --> 00:14:40,578
- WHO'S IN HERE THEN?
- I AM, AND MIND WHERE
YOU'RE PUTTING YOUR HAND.
291
00:14:40,646 --> 00:14:43,348
- WANT SOME 'JAMAS?
- NO, THANK YOU.
292
00:14:43,416 --> 00:14:45,416
I'VE MADE MY OWN ARRANGEMENTS.
293
00:14:45,485 --> 00:14:47,605
FROM A FRIEND IN THE
GENTLEMAN'S BOUTIQUE.
294
00:14:47,653 --> 00:14:50,721
BLIMEY. ANNA MAY
WONG RIDES AGAIN, EH?
295
00:14:59,165 --> 00:15:01,605
ARE YOU IN THERE,
MR. GRAINGER, SIR?
296
00:15:01,667 --> 00:15:04,102
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT, MR. GRAINGER?
297
00:15:04,170 --> 00:15:07,671
I'M TRYING TO GET
MY TROUSERS OFF.
298
00:15:11,711 --> 00:15:13,811
IT ISN'T EASY, YOU KNOW.
299
00:15:13,880 --> 00:15:16,192
WOULD YOU LIKE A
PAIR OF BANANAS?
300
00:15:16,216 --> 00:15:18,449
WHY, THANK YOU.
301
00:15:18,518 --> 00:15:20,184
YES, I...
302
00:15:22,022 --> 00:15:24,789
I THINK PERHAPS IT
WOULD BE MORE DIGNIFIED
303
00:15:24,857 --> 00:15:27,959
IF I CHANGE IN THE
GENTLEMEN'S CLOAKROOM.
304
00:15:29,695 --> 00:15:32,763
THE THINGS YOU SEE WHEN
YOU HAVEN'T GOT YOUR GUN.
305
00:15:36,869 --> 00:15:40,805
MR. GRAINGER! YOU'VE
LEFT YOUR FLAP OPEN.
306
00:15:40,873 --> 00:15:44,008
ON YOUR TENT!
307
00:15:44,077 --> 00:15:47,378
I DON'T THINK THAT WAS
VERY FUNNY, MR. LUCAS.
308
00:15:50,550 --> 00:15:52,216
HERE YOU ARE, CAPTAIN PEACOCK,
309
00:15:52,285 --> 00:15:54,118
TOP QUALITY PASSION-KILLERS.
310
00:15:54,187 --> 00:15:56,554
HAVEN'T YOU GOT ANYTHING
OTHER THAN STRIPES?
311
00:15:56,622 --> 00:15:58,189
WHAT DO YOU WANT THEN... PIPS?
312
00:15:58,258 --> 00:16:00,658
I THINK THAT HAVING
REGARD FOR MY POSITION,
313
00:16:00,726 --> 00:16:02,871
I SHOULD HAVE SOMETHING
THAT MAKES ME LOOK
314
00:16:02,895 --> 00:16:04,573
A LITTLE DIFFERENT
FROM THE REST.
315
00:16:04,597 --> 00:16:06,497
WHY DON'T YOU LEAVE
THE TROUSERS OFF?
316
00:16:06,566 --> 00:16:07,999
SORRY, CAPTAIN PEACOCK.
317
00:16:08,068 --> 00:16:10,234
I'LL SEE IF I CAN FIND
YOU SOMETHING ELSE.
318
00:16:15,908 --> 00:16:18,887
BLIMEY, I'D BE QUICKER TO PINCH
ONE OF MRS. SLOCOMBE'S BRAS
319
00:16:18,911 --> 00:16:20,722
AND SLING IT UP AS A HAMMOCK.
320
00:16:20,746 --> 00:16:22,646
IT'S THE LAST PAIR, MR. LUCAS.
321
00:16:22,715 --> 00:16:24,915
OH, TA. GREAT.
322
00:16:29,089 --> 00:16:31,200
WHAT AM I SUPPOSED
TO DO WITH THESE?!
323
00:16:31,224 --> 00:16:33,391
HOW DID THEY GET IN THERE?
324
00:16:33,460 --> 00:16:36,172
- THEY MUST HAVE COME
FROM THE WINDOW DISPLAY.
- THE WINDOW DISPLAY?
325
00:16:36,196 --> 00:16:38,374
HOW MANY ONE-LEGGED
MEN GO WINDOW-SHOPPING?
326
00:16:38,398 --> 00:16:40,098
NO, IT'S THE BED
ADVERT, YOU SEE?
327
00:16:40,166 --> 00:16:42,367
THE HE-DUMMY WAS GETTING
OUT OF ONE SIDE OF THE BED,
328
00:16:42,435 --> 00:16:44,835
THE SHE-DUMMY WAS GETTING
OUT OF THE OTHER SIDE OF THE BED,
329
00:16:44,904 --> 00:16:47,705
AND THEY USED ONE PAIR
OF PAJAMAS FOR TWO, SEE?
330
00:16:47,773 --> 00:16:50,119
BUT I CAN'T WEAR
THESE IN MIXED COMPANY.
331
00:16:50,143 --> 00:16:52,443
ALL YOU DO IS YOU PUT
BOTH LEGS DOWN THERE,
332
00:16:52,512 --> 00:16:54,778
AND YOU... HOP INTO BED.
333
00:16:56,416 --> 00:16:57,948
( screaming )
334
00:16:59,219 --> 00:17:01,386
'ERE!
335
00:17:01,454 --> 00:17:05,523
- WHAT'S YOUR GAME?
- I'M SORRY, MISS BRAHMS.
336
00:17:05,591 --> 00:17:07,769
I WAS UNDER THE IMPRESSION
THIS IS WHERE I WAS TO BE SLEEPING.
337
00:17:07,793 --> 00:17:10,128
NOT ON YOUR NELLY,
CAPTAIN PEACOCK!
338
00:17:10,196 --> 00:17:12,841
YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE IN THE
BIG TENT WITH MRS.SLOCOMBE.
339
00:17:12,865 --> 00:17:15,900
THEN TAKE IT UP WITH HER.
AND YOU'D BETTER KNOCK!
340
00:17:15,968 --> 00:17:17,779
BY THE WAY, YOUR PAJAMAS
341
00:17:17,803 --> 00:17:19,915
SHOULD BE ON THE
OTHER WAY ROUND.
342
00:17:19,939 --> 00:17:22,040
LOOK, YOU DO YOUR
THING YOUR WAY,
343
00:17:22,108 --> 00:17:24,642
AND I'LL DO MY THING MY WAY.
344
00:17:31,651 --> 00:17:35,819
AHEM... ( sputtering within )
345
00:17:42,328 --> 00:17:43,928
MRS. SLOCOMBE?
346
00:17:43,996 --> 00:17:45,996
( sputtering )
347
00:17:51,671 --> 00:17:54,805
ARE YOU FREE, MRS. SLOCOMBE?
348
00:17:54,874 --> 00:17:57,442
JUST A MINUTE, CAPTAIN PEACOCK.
349
00:17:57,510 --> 00:17:59,510
I CAN COME BACK LATER.
350
00:17:59,579 --> 00:18:02,280
( sputtering )
351
00:18:02,348 --> 00:18:04,615
OR NOT AT ALL.
352
00:18:04,684 --> 00:18:08,519
- IT'S ALL RIGHT. I'VE GOT THE STOPPER IN.
- WELL, I'M RELIEVED.
353
00:18:10,022 --> 00:18:12,290
I WAS BLOWING UP MY AIR BED,
354
00:18:12,358 --> 00:18:14,892
AND IT TAKES PUFF
AFTER PUFF AFTER PUFF.
355
00:18:14,961 --> 00:18:18,296
CAN I HELP ANYBODY?
356
00:18:18,364 --> 00:18:23,301
NO, THANK YOU,
MR. HUMPHRIES. I'VE MANAGED.
357
00:18:23,369 --> 00:18:25,814
MRS. SLOCOMBE, WHAT IS MISS
BRAHMS DOING IN THAT TENT?
358
00:18:25,838 --> 00:18:27,972
KNOWING YOU, I'M SURPRISED
YOU HAVEN'T LOOKED.
359
00:18:28,040 --> 00:18:30,841
HE HAS, AND I WAS
PUTTING ON ME PAJAMAS.
360
00:18:30,910 --> 00:18:32,510
CAPTAIN PEACOCK!
361
00:18:32,579 --> 00:18:34,190
THE POINT IS, MRS. SLOCOMBE,
362
00:18:34,214 --> 00:18:37,025
THAT THIS LARGE TENT IS FOR
YOURSELF AND MISS BRAHMS.
363
00:18:37,049 --> 00:18:40,818
THERE'S GOING TO BE NO ONE IN MY
BOUDOIR WHEN I BLOW OUT THE CANDLE.
364
00:18:40,886 --> 00:18:42,531
I HAVE NO OTHER ACCOMMODATION.
365
00:18:42,555 --> 00:18:44,100
WHERE AM I SUPPOSED TO BIVOUAC?
366
00:18:44,124 --> 00:18:47,558
I DON'T CARE, WHACK IT.
IT'S NOTHING TO DO WITH ME.
367
00:18:47,627 --> 00:18:49,460
HERE. GO BACK. KEEP GOING.
368
00:18:49,529 --> 00:18:51,829
WHAT ON EARTH IS THAT, MR. MASH?
369
00:18:51,897 --> 00:18:55,433
THIS IS A BED, CAPTAIN PEACOCK.
MR. RUMBOLD ORDERED IT, SIR.
370
00:18:55,502 --> 00:18:57,168
HOW VERY THOUGHTFUL OF HIM.
371
00:18:57,237 --> 00:18:59,215
NOT THERE, MR. MASH.
372
00:18:59,239 --> 00:19:01,339
IT WOULDN'T GO THROUGH
YOUR OFFICE DOOR.
373
00:19:01,407 --> 00:19:03,385
I CAN'T SLEEP OUT
HERE WITH THE STAFF!
374
00:19:03,409 --> 00:19:05,554
( loudly ) YOU CAN'T SLEEP
OUT HERE WITH THE STAFF?!
375
00:19:05,578 --> 00:19:09,018
OF COURSE I CAN SLEEP OUT
HERE WITH THE STAFF, MASH!
376
00:19:09,048 --> 00:19:11,026
DON'T BE SILLY! HOW
DOES THIS WORK?
377
00:19:11,050 --> 00:19:12,850
YOU PULL THIS DOWN, SEE, SIR?
378
00:19:12,918 --> 00:19:14,785
UNDO THE BOLT LIKE THAT, SEE?
379
00:19:14,854 --> 00:19:16,954
BRING IT DOWN.
OH, EXCUSE ME, SIR.
380
00:19:17,023 --> 00:19:18,956
GET THE LITTLE LEGS
DOWN THERE, SEE?
381
00:19:19,025 --> 00:19:22,193
PULL THIS RIGHT HERE.
LOOK, NICE LITTLE BED.
382
00:19:22,262 --> 00:19:24,529
IT SHOULD BE SCREWED
TO THE BEDROOM WALL.
383
00:19:24,597 --> 00:19:26,942
WHEN YOUR BIRD'S FATHER
KNOCKS ON THE DOOR,
384
00:19:26,966 --> 00:19:31,469
YOU PRESS THE BUTTON AND SHE
GOES UP THE WALL INSTEAD OF HIM, SEE?
385
00:19:31,538 --> 00:19:33,671
THAT'LL DO, MR. MASH.
386
00:19:37,443 --> 00:19:39,377
INGENIOUS DEVICE, IS IT NOT?
387
00:19:39,445 --> 00:19:42,346
- YES, MOST INGENIOUS.
- QUITE ROOMY.
388
00:19:42,415 --> 00:19:45,115
YES, WELL, IT IS SOLD
AS A SMALL DOUBLE.
389
00:19:45,185 --> 00:19:48,653
IT MIGHT HELP TO SOLVE A
SLIGHT PROBLEM WE HAVE.
390
00:19:48,721 --> 00:19:52,890
- WHAT PROBLEM?
- MISS BRAHMS REFUSES
TO LEAVE MY TENT.
391
00:19:52,958 --> 00:19:54,703
HAVE YOU TRIED PERSUADING HER?
392
00:19:54,727 --> 00:19:56,494
YES. SHE WAS QUITE ADAMANT.
393
00:19:56,563 --> 00:19:58,707
YOU WERE QUITE RIGHT
TO TELL ME, OF COURSE.
394
00:19:58,731 --> 00:20:01,199
WHAT YOU DO AFTER
HOURS IN NORMAL TIMES
395
00:20:01,267 --> 00:20:03,445
IS YOUR OWN AFFAIR,
BUT YOU CAN HARDLY
396
00:20:03,469 --> 00:20:05,847
GO THROUGH WITH THIS UNDER
OUR VERY NOSES, SO TO SPEAK.
397
00:20:05,871 --> 00:20:08,706
I THINK YOU MAY HAVE
WHAT MIGHT BE TERMED
398
00:20:08,774 --> 00:20:11,942
- "THE WRONG END
OF THE STICK."
- HAVE I?
399
00:20:12,011 --> 00:20:15,580
YES, SIR. I HAD ARRANGED
FOR MRS. SLOCOMBE
400
00:20:15,648 --> 00:20:18,082
TO HAVE THAT LARGE TENT
BECAUSE I WAS QUITE SURE
401
00:20:18,150 --> 00:20:19,917
THAT SHE WOULD
BE WILLING TO SHARE.
402
00:20:19,985 --> 00:20:22,220
TO MY SURPRISE, SHE
WOULDN'T HEAR OF IT.
403
00:20:22,288 --> 00:20:25,956
DO YOU SUPPOSE SHE HAS HEARD
ABOUT YOU AND MISS BRAHMS?
404
00:20:26,025 --> 00:20:27,791
I WAS TRYING TO GET MISS BRAHMS
405
00:20:27,860 --> 00:20:31,061
AND MRS. SLOCOMBE
TOGETHER IN THE SAME TENT.
406
00:20:31,130 --> 00:20:33,431
WHAT, ALL THREE OF YOU?!
407
00:20:33,499 --> 00:20:34,865
NO, SIR.
408
00:20:34,934 --> 00:20:36,767
I DON'T WANT TO
SHARE WITH THE LADIES.
409
00:20:36,836 --> 00:20:39,503
- AH, GOOD.
- I WANT TO SHARE
WITH YOU.
410
00:20:41,774 --> 00:20:46,410
All: ♪ KEEP THE HOME
FIRES BURNING ♪
411
00:20:46,479 --> 00:20:53,083
♪ THOUGH YOUR
HEARTS ARE YEARNING ♪
412
00:20:53,152 --> 00:20:57,655
♪ THOUGH THE
LIGHTS ARE FAR AWAY ♪
413
00:20:57,724 --> 00:21:03,261
♪ THEY DREAM OF HOME ♪
414
00:21:04,631 --> 00:21:11,101
♪ THERE'S A SILVER LINING ♪
415
00:21:11,170 --> 00:21:17,107
♪ THROUGH THE DARK
CLOUDS SHINING ♪
416
00:21:17,176 --> 00:21:22,980
( solo ) ♪ TURN THE DARK
CLOUDS INSIDE OUT ♪
417
00:21:23,048 --> 00:21:28,753
( solo ) ♪ TILL THE
BOYS COME HOME. ♪
418
00:21:32,258 --> 00:21:35,159
THAT WAS WONDERFUL, MR. RUMBOLD.
419
00:21:35,227 --> 00:21:37,728
DIDN'T YOU THINK SO,
CAPTAIN PEACOCK?
420
00:21:37,797 --> 00:21:39,963
YES. IT BROUGHT BACK
MEMORIES OF THE ARMY,
421
00:21:40,032 --> 00:21:42,166
THE LADS, THE HEAT, THE SUNSET,
422
00:21:42,234 --> 00:21:44,335
AND THE ENDLESS SHIFTING SANDS.
423
00:21:44,404 --> 00:21:47,137
HOW LONG WERE YOU
AT BOGNOR REGIS?
424
00:21:48,741 --> 00:21:50,808
MR. LUCAS, WHEN
YOU WERE AT SCHOOL,
425
00:21:50,876 --> 00:21:53,489
I WAS WITH SOME OF THE
TOUGHEST SOLDIERS IN THE WORLD,
426
00:21:53,513 --> 00:21:55,546
CHASING ROMMEL
THROUGH THE DESERT.
427
00:21:55,615 --> 00:21:58,015
SOME PEOPLE HAVE ALL THE LUCK.
428
00:21:58,083 --> 00:21:59,695
Mr. Rumbold: YES, LUCAS.
429
00:21:59,719 --> 00:22:01,786
SOME PEOPLE SEEM
TO FORGET THAT MEN
430
00:22:01,854 --> 00:22:03,699
LIKE CAPTAIN PEACOCK AND MYSELF
431
00:22:03,723 --> 00:22:06,089
WERE INSTRUMENTAL IN
MAKING THIS A COUNTRY
432
00:22:06,158 --> 00:22:07,403
FIT FOR HEROES TO LIVE IN.
433
00:22:07,427 --> 00:22:09,171
WHAT WERE YOU IN
THEN, MR. RUMBOLD?
434
00:22:09,195 --> 00:22:11,161
- THE CATERING CORPS.
- THE NAAFI?!
435
00:22:11,230 --> 00:22:13,798
NOT THE NAAFI, MR. LUCAS.
436
00:22:13,866 --> 00:22:17,468
THE CATERING CORPS WAS A VERY
IMPORTANT PART OF THE SERVICE.
437
00:22:17,537 --> 00:22:20,103
THE ARMY MARCHED ON
ITS STOMACH, REMEMBER.
438
00:22:20,172 --> 00:22:23,341
I SUPPOSE THEY COULDN'T WALK
UPRIGHT FOR THE INDIGESTION.
439
00:22:23,409 --> 00:22:25,409
UNFORTUNATELY, CAPTAIN PEACOCK,
440
00:22:25,478 --> 00:22:28,512
THESE YOUNGSTERS SEEM TO
FORGET WHAT WE WENT THROUGH.
441
00:22:28,581 --> 00:22:30,559
WERE YOU IN THE
NAAFI, MRS. SLOCOMBE?
442
00:22:30,583 --> 00:22:33,917
NO. OF COURSE, I WAS
A MERE SLIP OF A GIRL,
443
00:22:33,986 --> 00:22:37,020
BUT I WAS IN AIR
RAID PRECAUTIONS.
444
00:22:37,089 --> 00:22:39,067
IN FACT, THAT'S HOW
I MET MY HUSBAND,
445
00:22:39,091 --> 00:22:42,793
DURING AN AIR RAID. THE
BOMBS WERE RAINING DOWN.
446
00:22:42,862 --> 00:22:46,630
AND I SAW HIS FACE
LIT BY AN INCENDIARY.
447
00:22:46,699 --> 00:22:49,333
HE THREW ME ON MY FACE AND SAID,
448
00:22:49,402 --> 00:22:51,802
"LOOK OUT, HERE
COMES A BIG ONE!"
449
00:22:58,711 --> 00:23:00,522
I SUPPOSE THERE WASN'T MUCH TIME
450
00:23:00,546 --> 00:23:03,313
FOR CHATTING IN THOSE DAYS.
451
00:23:03,383 --> 00:23:05,215
AND WHEN IT HAD GONE OFF,
452
00:23:05,284 --> 00:23:08,552
WE HEADED FOR THE
NEAREST SHELTER,
453
00:23:08,621 --> 00:23:12,490
AND IT WAS THEN I KNEW THAT
IT WAS LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT.
454
00:23:12,558 --> 00:23:15,259
THE FIRST BOMB SITE YOU COME TO.
455
00:23:15,327 --> 00:23:18,128
OOH, YOU HAVE GOT A NASTY MIND.
456
00:23:18,197 --> 00:23:20,765
WHERE WERE YOU WHEN
ALL THIS WAS HAPPENING?
457
00:23:20,833 --> 00:23:24,769
WELL, I WAS IN ENSAH,
ENTERTAINING THE TROOPS.
458
00:23:24,837 --> 00:23:26,437
WHAT DOES ENSAH STAND FOR?
459
00:23:26,506 --> 00:23:29,907
"EVERY NIGHT SOMETHING
AWFUL HAPPENS."
460
00:23:29,975 --> 00:23:32,443
YOU DID A GRAND
JOB, YOU ENSAH CHAPS.
461
00:23:32,512 --> 00:23:33,778
OH, THANK YOU.
462
00:23:33,846 --> 00:23:36,447
I USED TO DO
IMPERSONATIONS, YOU KNOW?
463
00:23:36,516 --> 00:23:39,316
I CALLED MYSELF
"WHIMSICAL WILLIE."
464
00:23:39,385 --> 00:23:42,286
I DID IMPERSONATIONS OF HITLER
465
00:23:42,354 --> 00:23:44,422
AND GORING AND GOEBBELS
466
00:23:44,490 --> 00:23:47,691
AND VON RIBBENTROP
AND "LORD HAW-HAW."
467
00:23:47,760 --> 00:23:49,827
WHOSE SIDE WERE YOU ON?
468
00:23:49,896 --> 00:23:53,163
WELL, I USED TO DO
MR. CHURCHILL AS WELL.
469
00:23:53,232 --> 00:23:55,152
DO YOUR "LORD HAW-HAW" FOR US.
470
00:23:55,200 --> 00:23:58,502
HE WAS THE ONE WHO USED TO
BROADCAST PROPAGANDA TO ENGLAND.
471
00:23:58,571 --> 00:24:01,906
I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN. IT
WAS SO MANY YEARS AGO.
472
00:24:01,974 --> 00:24:05,309
THE LAST TIME I DID IT WAS
IN A CONCERT IN TOBRUK.
473
00:24:05,377 --> 00:24:07,355
( mimicking Lord Haw-Haw
) "GERMANY CALLING.
474
00:24:07,379 --> 00:24:09,012
GERMANY CALLING.
475
00:24:09,081 --> 00:24:11,982
YOU ENGLISH HAVE NO
CHANCE OF WINNING THE WAR.
476
00:24:12,051 --> 00:24:15,052
THE GERMAN ARMY IS INVINCIBLE."
477
00:24:15,120 --> 00:24:17,220
OH, LIFELIKE.
478
00:24:19,058 --> 00:24:22,626
IT SENT SHIVERS UP YOUR SPINE.
479
00:24:22,695 --> 00:24:26,931
AND THEN I USED TO DO
MR. WINSTON CHURCHILL.
480
00:24:26,999 --> 00:24:30,067
( imitating Churchill ) "WE
WILL FIGHT ON THE BEACHES.
481
00:24:30,135 --> 00:24:32,970
WE WILL FIGHT ON
THE LANDING GROUNDS.
482
00:24:33,038 --> 00:24:36,073
WE WILL FIGHT IN THE
STREETS AND IN THE VILLAGES,
483
00:24:36,141 --> 00:24:39,009
BUT WE WILL NEVER SURRENDER.
484
00:24:39,078 --> 00:24:40,978
GIVE US THE TOOLS,
485
00:24:41,046 --> 00:24:44,381
AND WE WILL FINISH THE JOB."
486
00:24:44,450 --> 00:24:48,051
AND THEN I USED TO RAISE MY HAT.
487
00:24:48,120 --> 00:24:51,755
I THINK YOU WERE VERY
BRAVE, MR. GRAINGER.
488
00:24:51,824 --> 00:24:54,224
WITH AN ACT LIKE
THAT, HE HAD TO BE.
489
00:24:54,293 --> 00:24:57,127
OF COURSE, I WASN'T AROUND
WHEN ALL THIS WAS GOING ON.
490
00:24:57,196 --> 00:24:58,907
- WHERE WERE YOU, THEN?
- I WASN'T BORN.
491
00:24:58,931 --> 00:25:01,743
BUT IT WAS THE WAR THAT BROUGHT
MY MOTHER AND FATHER TOGETHER.
492
00:25:01,767 --> 00:25:03,111
WE'VE STILL GOT PICTURES OF HIM
493
00:25:03,135 --> 00:25:04,980
WITH HIS BLACK FACE
RUNNING UP THE BEACH.
494
00:25:05,004 --> 00:25:08,706
WHAT WAS HE, THE
FIRST ILLEGAL IMMIGRANT?
495
00:25:08,774 --> 00:25:10,819
HE WAS A COMMANDO.
496
00:25:10,843 --> 00:25:14,211
- THE TOUGHEST.
- ABSOLUTELY RUTHLESS.
497
00:25:14,279 --> 00:25:16,814
MY MOM FOUND HIM
IN HER BICYCLE SHED.
498
00:25:16,883 --> 00:25:19,427
HE WAS ON A TRAINING
EXERCISE IN IPSWICH.
499
00:25:19,451 --> 00:25:21,485
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" SHE SAYS.
500
00:25:21,554 --> 00:25:23,754
"LOOKING FOR THE
JERRY," HE SAID.
501
00:25:23,823 --> 00:25:26,924
SO SHE TOOK HIM INDOORS
AND SHOWED UP UPSTAIRS,
502
00:25:26,993 --> 00:25:30,661
AND, WELL, THEY
JUST SORT OF CLICKED.
503
00:25:30,730 --> 00:25:33,063
ISN'T THAT ROMANTIC?
504
00:25:33,132 --> 00:25:35,566
YOU KNOW, I'M SORRY I
MISSED ALL THAT, REALLY.
505
00:25:35,635 --> 00:25:37,701
STILL, NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS,
506
00:25:37,770 --> 00:25:41,005
EVEN IN SPITE OF MY PIERCED
EARDRUMS AND FLAT FEET,
507
00:25:41,073 --> 00:25:43,952
WHATEVER HAPPENS, I'LL BE
THERE AT THE FRONT THE NEXT TIME.
508
00:25:43,976 --> 00:25:47,011
DRESSED AS A WOMAN WITH A
TICKET FOR SWEDEN, NO DOUBT.
509
00:25:47,079 --> 00:25:49,446
WELL, I THINK IT'S
TIME FOR LIGHTS OUT.
510
00:25:49,515 --> 00:25:51,749
IT'S BEEN A MOST
ENJOYABLE EVENING,
511
00:25:51,817 --> 00:25:54,685
JUST LIKE THE OLD
BOY SCOUT JAMBOREES.
512
00:25:54,754 --> 00:25:58,155
YES, IT'S ONLY HALF PAST 10:00.
513
00:25:58,223 --> 00:26:00,669
SHALL I PUT THE CAMPFIRE
OUT, MR. RUMBOLD?
514
00:26:00,693 --> 00:26:02,860
OH, YES, WE DON'T
WANT TO TAKE ANY RISKS.
515
00:26:05,164 --> 00:26:07,565
HELLO, CHURCHILL'S HAVING
ONE OF HIS CATNAPS AGAIN.
516
00:26:07,633 --> 00:26:10,233
SOMEBODY BETTER WAKE
HIM UP. IT'S TIME TO GO TO BED.
517
00:26:10,302 --> 00:26:12,770
- Peacock: MR. HUMPHRIES...?
- ARE YOU FREE, MR. GRAINGER?
518
00:26:12,838 --> 00:26:14,872
YES, I'M FREE.
519
00:26:14,941 --> 00:26:18,075
All: GOOD NIGHT.
520
00:26:18,143 --> 00:26:21,383
HEY, SHIRLEY, FANCY A GAME OF
PING-PONG IN THE SPORTS DEPARTMENT?
521
00:26:21,447 --> 00:26:24,682
- NO, THANK YOU.
- HOW ABOUT SARDINES
IN SOFT FURNISHINGS?
522
00:26:24,750 --> 00:26:27,685
GET IN YOUR TENT
AND ZIP YOURSELF UP.
523
00:26:27,753 --> 00:26:29,765
WOULD YOU LIKE ME
TO GO TO THE LIBRARY
524
00:26:29,789 --> 00:26:31,833
AND GET YOU A COPY OF
"THE SENSUOUS WOMAN"?
525
00:26:31,857 --> 00:26:34,357
TWO COPIES?
526
00:26:34,426 --> 00:26:37,795
HAS ANYBODY SET THE ALARM
FOR TOMORROW MORNING?
527
00:26:37,863 --> 00:26:40,363
I'VE SET THE BURGLAR
ALARM FOR TONIGHT.
528
00:26:40,432 --> 00:26:42,466
I HOPE YOU CATCH ONE.
529
00:26:42,534 --> 00:26:45,836
- AFTER YOU, SIR.
- THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
530
00:26:45,905 --> 00:26:48,672
I'M GONNA KEEP MY SOCKS
ON, IF YOU DON'T MIND.
531
00:26:48,741 --> 00:26:51,308
NOT AT ALL, SIR.
532
00:26:51,376 --> 00:26:53,711
( imitating bugle
playing Last Post )
533
00:27:01,754 --> 00:27:04,321
THAT'S ENOUGH, MR. LUCAS.
534
00:27:10,229 --> 00:27:11,873
GOOD NIGHT, MRS. SLOCOMBE.
535
00:27:11,897 --> 00:27:13,998
ARE YOU STANDING ON TIPTOE?
536
00:27:14,066 --> 00:27:17,101
- NO, MRS. SLOCOMBE.
- OH.
537
00:27:17,169 --> 00:27:19,236
( sputtering )
538
00:27:19,304 --> 00:27:22,806
OH, DRAT IT! THERE
GOES ME STOPPER.
539
00:27:29,248 --> 00:27:31,281
FIRE! FIRE!
540
00:27:31,350 --> 00:27:33,083
FIRE!
541
00:27:36,588 --> 00:27:39,056
WELL, THAT'S
DAMPENED IT DOWN A BIT.
542
00:27:39,125 --> 00:27:42,126
- GOOD NIGHT, MR. HUMPHRIES.
- GOOD NIGHT, MR. LUCAS.
543
00:27:42,194 --> 00:27:45,514
I WON'T COME OUT. I'VE
JUST PUT CREAM ON MY FACE.
544
00:27:48,034 --> 00:27:51,368
AH... JUST THINK...
545
00:27:51,436 --> 00:27:55,039
THOSE TEETH ONCE
DID WINSTON CHURCHILL.
546
00:27:55,107 --> 00:27:57,641
- GOOD NIGHT, MR. GRAINGER.
- ( muffled voice )
547
00:27:57,710 --> 00:27:59,609
DON'T BOTHER.
548
00:28:01,280 --> 00:28:03,747
YOU'RE NOT GOING TO READ,
ARE YOU, CAPTAIN PEACOCK?
549
00:28:03,816 --> 00:28:05,716
NO, SIR.
550
00:28:05,785 --> 00:28:07,818
CAN YOU GET RID OF THAT THING?
551
00:28:09,288 --> 00:28:11,922
- WHAT THING?
- THE LIGHT.
552
00:28:11,991 --> 00:28:14,224
OH, YES, SIR.
553
00:28:14,293 --> 00:28:16,371
THERE'S NOTHING ON MY SIDE.
554
00:28:16,395 --> 00:28:18,361
OH, DAMN. IT MUST BE ON MINE.
555
00:28:18,430 --> 00:28:21,231
- MR. LUCAS,
YOU'RE NOT IN BED YET.
- I'M JUST GOING, SIR.
556
00:28:21,300 --> 00:28:24,780
Mr. Rumbold: TURN THIS
LIGHT OUT FOR US, WILL YOU?
557
00:28:24,970 --> 00:28:26,737
CERTAINLY, SIR.
558
00:28:26,806 --> 00:28:28,772
NOT THE LEVER.
559
00:28:28,841 --> 00:28:30,574
OH, I'M SORRY!
560
00:28:30,642 --> 00:28:33,476
( theme music plays )
561
00:28:36,849 --> 00:28:39,494
♪ GROUND FLOOR... PERFUMERY,
STATIONERY, AND LEATHER GOODS ♪
562
00:28:39,518 --> 00:28:42,285
♪ WIGS AND HABERDASHERY
KITCHENWARE AND FOOD... ♪
563
00:28:42,354 --> 00:28:44,421
♪ GOING UP... ♪
564
00:28:48,227 --> 00:28:50,961
♪ FIRST FLOOR... TELEPHONES,
GENTS' READYMADE SUITS ♪
565
00:28:51,030 --> 00:28:53,697
SHIRTS, SOCKS, TIES, HATS,
UNDERWEAR AND SHOES ♪
566
00:28:53,766 --> 00:28:55,766
♪ GOING UP... ♪
567
00:28:59,571 --> 00:29:02,439
♪ SECOND FLOOR... CARPETS,
TRAVEL GOODS AND BEDDING ♪
568
00:29:02,507 --> 00:29:05,342
♪ MATERIAL, SOFT FURNISHINGS
RESTAURANT AND TEAS ♪
569
00:29:05,410 --> 00:29:07,410
♪ GOING DOWN. ♪